Domino Effect

Beautiful disaster. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of her. Who hurt you? The first question comes to mind when I open my mouth to greet her. Although it wasn't the easiest to reach, I knew her heart was pure. Gentle to the touch yet stubborn as a bull, she made it hard to resist her. Unintentionally, she sank her hooks in me. She was the calm before my storm. A thunderous, darkening storm with lightning that graciously exposed the paternity of my brother and me. Though the gloom of it all lingered above both our heads, the winds that accompanied the storm were the breath of fresh air that I needed. Instead of the hovering clouds producing gazillions of little droplets of rain, they showered me with new siblings, nieces, nephews, sister-in-laws, and brother-in-laws. For so long, it had just been me, my mother, my cousins, and my brother. But then there was her and eventually them. Simultaneously, I found my father and my forever. And I was ready for whatever when it came down to them both. Victim of my despair. That's what I believe him to be. Why must you continue hurting yourself to love me? It's the question I desperately want to ask the man who sees no flaws in such a flawed woman. Persistent, he was-unintentionally making it most difficult to bury my trauma. Forgetting the past and what it had done to me wasn't easy. I lived with the consequences of it all each and every day. But him, he made me want to. The issue was I couldn't. Not for him. Not for me. Not for our future. So, instead of stringing him along, I prayed each day that he'd find someone to fill the void that his heart must've suffered from because I couldn't. But he didn't want anyone else. He wanted me. I just didn't have myself to give. Not to him… and not even to me.

Cold. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of her. Why you running from me? The first question comes to mind each time she turns her back on me. Rigid and cool to the touch, her heart had ice around it. She'd put it in the deepest, darkest hole and dared anyone to try and fetch it. A man who appreciates a challenge took this one on head first. And, with little bruising, I retrieved it. The red, barely recognizable organ was lifeless. Day by day, I nurtured it, nurtured her, and eventually, it began to beat again. Not just for anyone but for me. Its revival was life's greatest reward. The victory didn't last very long. My lack of experience with handling something so precious led me to make rookie mistakes, ones that cost me her heart and mine, too. Different. That's what I believe him to be. Who sent you after my heart?It's the question that plagued me each time he set out on my path. His pockets were stuffed, and his accounts were limitless, affording him luxuries that not everyone had when it came to me. He didn't flinch at the notion that he had to pay to play. It enticed him. That was my type. He was my type. But he knew no boundaries. His quest commenced the second our eyes met, my body hypnotizing him and everyone else in the room around us. Sadly, they were a blur. All I saw was him. Tenacity was his specialty. He was as confident as he was persistent, tireless in his efforts to retrieve the one part of me that I'd buried for safekeeping. And, once he had it in his grasp, like every other man I'd shamefully given it to, he crushed it.