Countess Cordelia: Vampires and Very Bad Decisions

Dive into a world where centuries-old curses meet modern-day madness in this hilariously chaotic cozy urban fantasy! Cordelia, a vampire countess with a taste for fine art and love affairs, finds her past literally staring back at her from a stolen Titian portrait. But this isn't your typical midnight museum heistLorenzo, her Venetian painter ex, is trapped within the canvas, his soul fragmented by ancient treachery.From museum heists to reality TV nightmares, Cordelia's life spirals into a whirlwind of absurdity. When Lorenzo's curse causes a clueless TV producer to turn Lorenzo's haunted painting into a viral sensation, complete with snobbish art critiques and accidental poltergeists, Cordelia must juggle her immortal secrets with the chaos of prime-time television. And just when you think things can't get weirder, shadow voices, spiritual therapists, and a desperate attempt to reap a soul throw Cordelia's world into even more comedic disarray.Get ready for a wild ride through art galleries, TV studios, and the very depths of immortal angst. Can Cordelia protect Lorenzo's soul, survive the internet's insatiable hunger for viral memes, and maybe, just maybe, teach a few reality TV producers a lesson they'll never forget? Find out in a story where vampires, art, and reality TV collide in the most hilariously unexpected ways!This is a novella length story of about 30.000 words.

She's survived centuries of history, but can she survive a beauty pageant?Countess Cordelia of Montserrat, a vampire with a taste for O-negative and a disdain for anything modern, has managed to stay off the radar for hundreds of years. But when a meddling, prophecy-obsessed Reaper blackmails her into entering the Miss Crescent City Pageant, Cordelia's carefully curated life of elegant obscurity is shattered.Suddenly, she's "Ellie Nightshade," a quirky goth yoga instructor from Portland, facing mandatory spray tans (disastrous), swimsuit competitions (terrifying), and questions about world peace (yawn). To make matters worse, someone or something supernatural is targeting the contestants, and Cordelia is the only one who can stop the bloodshed.Between a succubus rival, a Christmas-obsessed contestant, and a suspiciously perceptive influencer, can Cordelia solve the mystery, avoid exposure, and maybe even win the crown? Prepare for a hilarious, action-packed romp through the ridiculous world of beauty pageants, where the stakes are higher than a perfect score they're life and death.