Unconventional Heroes

Two necromancers, a dragon, and a vampire - it sounds like a shortcut to disaster, and for Timmy, it's certainly looking that way. To earn his pardon and avoid becoming yet another necromancer statistic, Timmy has to work for the Council. From bandit uprisings to giant sea serpents and ogre invasions, Timmy and the others are there to save the day - sort of. And despite relying on overly intelligent ninja rats, an elf who believes that fire is the answer to everything, a bureaucrat who struggles to stay conscious through an entire fight, and a precocious apprentice who has designs on his castle, property damage per mission is down, they haven't blown up another mountain, and they've gone several missions without ripping a hole in reality. Naturally, it won't last. When the dragon egg their resident pyromaniac stole hatches to reveal the world's cuddliest harbinger of death, Timmy and the others are dragged into a pair of diabolically dangerous missions. Breaking out of one of the world's most secure prisons was hard enough. Now, they have to break back in to rescue a vampire. And then there's the Eye of the Abyss. Does your country have a problem with a divine artefact capable of singlehandedly winning a war? Don't worry. Just send Timmy and the gang. They'll handle it, and Timmy might even get to live every necromancer's dream with - zombie pirates. Timmy and the others want their pardons, and they're not going to let anyone stop them, not armies, not fleets, not even the most powerful empire the world has ever seen that just so happens to hold a centuries-old grudge against Everton. The world is going to learn a very important lesson: never, ever underestimate a necromancer with a shovel and time to plan.

Contains Books 1 and 2 of the Unconventional Heroes series. Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf, book 1: Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf - it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy. Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career. But that's easier said than done. He's a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages. It's a good thing that he's got some help: an obnoxious 10-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up. Wonderful. Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord, book 2: Two necromancers, an army of golems, and a demon lord - it sounds like a recipe for trouble, and for Timmy, it definitely is. To earn his pardon and avoid horrible torture and/or gruesome execution, Timmy has to complete every mission the Council throws his way, most of which seem to involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. At least he's got help - sort of. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle (and her plans may or may not involve overthrowing him), a bureaucrat whose two greatest skills are fainting in the face of trouble and using people (usually Timmy) as human shields, and an elf with the world's worst case of pyromania and enough magic to level a mountain. Somehow, Timmy's got to get this bunch of unconventional heroes to work together. Trouble is coming, and it's trouble of the kind that only a necromancer like Timmy could possibly find himself in the middle of.