More Than Two Essentials

Nonmonogamy can assume many shapes, none of which can claim to be a "safe" model of intimacy. Even the most casual of connections requires trust, and where there is trust, there is the potential for betrayal. Intimacy, exclusive or otherwise, can be exploratory or confined, collaborative or autonomous, but one thing it can never be is risk free. Yes, there is cheating in nonmonogamous relationships. There are other forms of betrayal, too: the cliquish injustices of in-group bullying, the violation of having personal information shared by a trusted partner, the humiliation of seeing someone who claimed to love you "trade up" for a partner with more social, sexual or plain old economic capital. Trust can be broken, and in turn break people, in a great number of ways. Nonomongamy and Betrayal not only unravels the varieties of betrayal that can occur in nonomongamy, but explores pathways to recognition and healing. 1. Author recognition: Eve Rickert is an established voice in the world of ethical nonmonogamy. 2. Practical insights. This book provides real-life examples of betrayal in a nonmonogamous context and advice on how to respond to them. 3. Succinct and accessible. The More Than Two Essentials series is focused on specific topics and addresses potentially overwhelming considerations in a straightforward manner. A guide to the many manifestations of broken trust in nonomogamous relationships, and how to heal from them. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca.

​​Rarely does the question of death come up in discussions of nonmonogamy. But whether it's sudden or expected, nonmonogamous people must face death like anyone else-as well as its consequences on those left behind after a loved one is gone. As nonmonogamous people, how can we plan ahead for our own and our loved ones' deaths? How can we best navigate a funeral industry that may not understand our relationships, a legal system that's not set up to recognize our commitments, and a social world that can be unfriendly to grieving partners outside the monogamous model? How do we take care of ourselves and each other in times of grief and loss? In Nonmonogamy and Death, Kayden Abley leads us through these difficult and tender questions with compassion and care, providing guidance to help you find your own answers. 1. Unique perspective. Discussion of a previously under-addressed topic, aimed specifically at nonmonogamous people. 2. Practical. Provides support and suggestions of how to navigate death and the funeral industry. 3. Succinct and accessible. The More Than Two Essentials series is focused on specific topics and addresses potentially overwhelming considerations in a straightforward manner. A practical guide to navigating death in nonmonogamous relationships. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca. Introduction Part 1: Planning for Death in the Context of Nonmonogamy What's Different for Nonmonogamous People When It Comes to Planning for Death Advance Care Planning Dying without a Will Making a Will and Planning Your Estate Children and Other Dependents Assets and Debts (Including Property) Burial or Cremation Plans Part 2: Coping with Death in Nonmonogamy Conversations to Have after a Death Has Occurred Issues for Emotionally Close, Domestic or Nesting Partners Issues for Partners Who Aren't Involved in the Everyday Aspects of the Deceased's Life Discrimination within Funeral Services Grieving Relationships That Do Not Exist for the Mainstream World Grief and Its Many Forms Conclusion Notes Glossary Bibliography

What does nonmonogamy allow other than the freedom to love whoever you wish to love? For Zara Shah, nonmonogamy allows greater freedom of social interaction and a richer view of intimacy. It allows not only more choices for sexual and romantic partners, but also greater range in hobbies, careers and friendships. Nonmonogamy has allowed Shah-a Pakistani woman who immigrated to Canada and a sex worker in a nonmonogamous relationship-to push the boundaries of what sexual intimacy means to relationships. Being in a committed, nonmonogamous relationship helped her appreciate nuance in sexuality, love and human behaviour. Through redefining sex and love, she was able to discover a level of confidence that has enabled her to be successful in the sex industry and to not be ashamed of the nature of the work, despite enduring social stigma. Through the lens of this experience, Shah discusses economics and sex work, intimacy and sex work, nonmonogamy and religious and social conflict, social rejection and nonmonogamy, the intersection between nonmonogamous and sex work communities, nonmonogamy and sexual health, and the impact of sex work on mental health. An intersectional examination of the ways in which nonmonogamy can break down traditional power structures to be particularly empowering to marginalized people.

Educators are often overworked, underpaid and at the crosshairs of every cultural debate. Teachers dedicate themselves to creating safe, nurturing environments for students, but are themselves subjected to levels of personal scrutiny practically unseen in other professions. In some careers, keeping a picture of your loved ones on your desk isn't worth a second thought. For teachers with nontraditional families, it can come with the risk of becoming a political football. Informed by her firsthand experience as a nonmonogamous educator, Ashley Speed examines the typical objections raised about nonmonogamous people teaching children, how to refute them and how to navigate some of the difficulties of being a nonmonogamous teacher in today's stormy political waters. It also offers practical advice for administrators and parents who want to support nonmonogamous teachers, and tips for teachers on how to make their classrooms friendly for kids from nonmonogamous families. A practical examination of teaching while nonmonogamous, and how parents and administrators can support polyamorous educators.

What does nonmonogamy allow other than the freedom to love whoever you wish to love? For Zara Shah, nonmonogamy allows greater freedom of social interaction and a richer view of intimacy. It allows not only more choices for sexual and romantic partners, but also greater range in hobbies, careers and friendships. Nonmonogamy has allowed Shah-a Pakistani woman who immigrated to Canada and a sex worker in a nonmonogamous relationship-to push the boundaries of what sexual intimacy means to relationships. Being in a committed, nonmonogamous relationship helped her appreciate nuance in sexuality, love and human behaviour. Through redefining sex and love, she was able to discover a level of confidence that has enabled her to be successful in the sex industry and to not be ashamed of the nature of the work, despite enduring social stigma. Through the lens of this experience, Shah discusses economics and sex work, intimacy and sex work, nonmonogamy and religious and social conflict, social rejection and nonmonogamy, the intersection between nonmonogamous and sex work communities, nonmonogamy and sexual health, and the impact of sex work on mental health. An intersectional examination of the ways in which nonmonogamy can break down traditional power structures to be particularly empowering to marginalized people. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca.

Nonmonogamy has exploded in popularity over recent decades, spawning dozens of how-to guides and countless media articles. But quietly, in the wake of this wave of non-traditional relationships, a growing number of people have moved away from the nonmonogamy they once practiced. It's not about rejecting nonmonogamy as bad or wrong. For some, trauma or the stresses of everyday life got in the way of multiple committed relationships; others lost their motivation to pursue new partners. Some ended up monogamous by attrition, and others are single by choice. What's it like on the other side of nonmonogamy? How did you get there? How does your life reflect what you learned along the way? Is nonmonogamy an identity or a practice? And do you think you might ever jump back in? Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond invites you to explore these questions in a spirit of self-reflection, self-compassion and curiosity. An exploration of what happens when nonmonogamous people decide to no longer be nonmonogamous-how they got there, what it means to them and what might happen next. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca. Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond is a beautiful reminder that intimacy does not come in absolutes, and that shifting the ways you approach love, sex, and attraction does not have to mean invalidating who you were or drastically changing who you are now. Zanin's compassion and empathy toward such complex discussions of identity, desire, and fulfillment, make this a crucial and affirming resource for anyone reflecting on the interpersonal connections in their life.

Nonmonogamy has exploded in popularity over recent decades, spawning dozens of how-to guides and countless media articles. But quietly, in the wake of this wave of non-traditional relationships, a growing number of people have moved away from the nonmonogamy they once practiced. It's not about rejecting nonmonogamy as bad or wrong. For some, trauma or the stresses of everyday life got in the way of multiple committed relationships; others lost their motivation to pursue new partners. Some ended up monogamous by attrition, and others are single by choice. What's it like on the other side of nonmonogamy? How did you get there? How does your life reflect what you learned along the way? Is nonmonogamy an identity or a practice? And do you think you might ever jump back in? Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond invites you to explore these questions in a spirit of self-reflection, self-compassion and curiosity. An exploration of what happens when nonmonogamous people decide to no longer be nonmonogamous-how they got there, what it means to them and what might happen next. Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond is a beautiful reminder that intimacy does not come in absolutes, and that shifting the ways you approach love, sex, and attraction does not have to mean invalidating who you were or drastically changing who you are now. Zanin's compassion and empathy toward such complex discussions of identity, desire, and fulfillment, make this a crucial and affirming resource for anyone reflecting on the interpersonal connections in their life.

Nonmonogamy can assume many shapes, none of which can claim to be a "safe" model of intimacy. Even the most casual of connections requires trust, and where there is trust, there is the potential for betrayal. Intimacy, exclusive or otherwise, can be exploratory or confined, collaborative or autonomous, but one thing it can never be is risk free. Yes, there is cheating in nonmonogamous relationships. There are other forms of betrayal, too: the cliquish injustices of in-group bullying, the violation of having personal information shared by a trusted partner, the humiliation of seeing someone who claimed to love you "trade up" for a partner with more social, sexual or plain old economic capital. Trust can be broken, and in turn break people, in a great number of ways. Nonomongamy and Betrayal not only unravels the varieties of betrayal that can occur in nonomongamy, but explores pathways to recognition and healing. Nonmonogamy can assume many shapes, none of which can claim to be a "safe" model of intimacy. The jet-setting passport paramour who fits the needs of many far-flung lovers into a single carryon has as many opportunities to do right or wrong by their partners as the members of a homebound triad who prefer raising a family to raising hell on the nightlife scene. Even the most casual of connections requires trust, and where there is trust, there is the potential for betrayal. As long as there have been love stories, there has been love lost through deception, abandonment, or callous disregard of intimate bonds. Intimacy, exclusive or otherwise, can be exploratory or confined, collaborative or autonomous, but one thing it can never be is risk free. Yes, there is cheating in nonmonogamous relationships. There are other forms of betrayal, too: the cliquish injustices of in-group bullying, the violation of having personal information shared by a trusted partner, the humiliation of seeing someone who claimed to love you "trade up" for a partner with more social, sexual or plain old economic capital. Trust can be broken, and in turn break people, in a great number of ways. In Nonomongamy and Betrayal, Eve Rickert, co-author of More Than Two, Second Edition: Cultivating Nonmonogamous Relationships with Kindness and Integrity, explores a regrettable inclination among many who practise nonmonogamy: to downplay or minimize the destructive capacity of broken trust, both to the betrayed partner and to the larger community. Nonomongamy and Betrayal not only unravels the varieties of betrayal that can occur in nonomongamy, but explores pathways to recognition and healing. 1. Author recognition: Eve Rickert is an established voice in the world of ethical nonmonogamy. 2. Practical insights. This book provides real-life examples of betrayal in a nonmonogamous context and advice on how to respond to them. 3. Succinct and accessible. The More Than Two Essentials series is focused on specific topics and addresses potentially overwhelming considerations in a straightforward manner. A guide to the many manifestations of broken trust in nonomogamous relationships, and how to heal from them. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca.

Too often, the neurodivergent community is marginalized, de-sexualized or patronized. Neurodivergent people are often not seen as part of the romantic or sexual landscape, let alone as people who can have multiple partners. However, the fact that neurodivergent people do not see the world or operate within it as other people do makes nonmonogamy both uniquely challenging and uniquely well-suited to them. This book is for neurodivergent people considering or practicing nonmonogamy. Its goal is to help neurodivergent people understand how well-suited they are to the polyamorous life, and to help them recognize and manage the challenges that being neurodivergent can bring to nonmonogamy. It is also for the partners and potential partners of neurodivergent people, to encourage them to understand different perspectives and to help them be understanding, accommodating and well-informed. Nonmonogamous relationships do not belong exclusively to the neurotypicals, but to us all. A practical guide that explores how nonmonogamous relationships do not belong exclusively to the neurotypicals, but to us all. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca. Acknowledgments Introduction Why Me? How to Use This Book The Opportunities of Nonmonogamy You Need Rules to Make Sense You Don't Flirt Like They Do You're a Weird Find You Value Your Independence You Thrive on Clear Communication The Challenges of Nonmonogamy Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria Alexithymia New Rules, New Lines Hell Is Other People Conclusion Glossary

Exploring nonmonogamy can require us to shift our worldview and deconstruct what we've been taught about relationship dynamics. However, it is difficult to defy paradigms while also existing within them-even as we strive to unlearn established norms, we can find ourselves unintentionally reproducing the principles of paradigms like mononormativity in our nonmonogamous relationships. In a society where monogamy is established as normal and reinforced through legal systems and cultural etiquette, this is not surprising. By examining prevalent cultural norms and values, and presenting real-life examples of mononormativity's impact, Marla Schreiber encourages readers to consider their own preconceptions and guides them towards effectively defying mononormativity and other intersecting paradigms. An examination of how we live in a mononormative paradigm and how nonmonogamous people can defy the status quo. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca. An examination of how we live in a mononormative paradigm and how nonmonogamous people can defy the status quo.

Too often, the neurodivergent community is marginalized, de-sexualized or patronized. Neurodivergent people are often not seen as part of the romantic or sexual landscape, let alone as people who can have multiple partners. However, the fact that neurodivergent people do not see the world or operate within it as other people do makes nonmonogamy both uniquely challenging and uniquely well-suited to them. This book is for neurodivergent people considering or practicing nonmonogamy. Its goal is to help neurodivergent people understand how well-suited they are to the polyamorous life, and to help them recognize and manage the challenges that being neurodivergent can bring to nonmonogamy. It is also for the partners and potential partners of neurodivergent people, to encourage them to understand different perspectives and to help them be understanding, accommodating and well-informed. Nonmonogamous relationships do not belong exclusively to the neurotypicals, but to us all. A practical guide that explores how nonmonogamous relationships do not belong exclusively to the neurotypicals, but to us all. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca.

The love story we're all familiar with ends with " … and they lived happily ever after." But how often do we hear a nonmonogamous love story with that ending? In all kinds of contexts, nonmonogamous happiness is erased. From the ubiquitous "friend who tried it once and it didn't end well" to Dan Savage's long-term jokes about never being invited to a polyamorous third wedding anniversary, we are repeatedly assured that nonmonogamy leads to misery. In "real" love, we are taught to expect the opposite: to expect happiness. When we want to ask if someone's relationship is going well, we ask if they are "happy with" their partner. We might even ask whether their partner makes them happy. But what does love have to do with happiness? Doesn't love have space to accommodate the full range of emotional experience? Carrie Jenkins thinks it does, or at least it can. She draws connections between the expectation that love will make us happy and the undue focus on positive emotions to the exclusion of "negative" ones. She argues that love-monogamous or otherwise-might better aim at being eudaimonic than at being happy, and that we have a better chance of achieving this if we are able to make relationship choices free from the prejudices and distortions that lead to an unduly rosy view of monogamy and an unduly miserable picture of the alternatives. A philosophical exploration of what happiness is and the search for meaning in nonmonogamous relationships. More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca. "In Nonmonogamy and Happiness, Carrie Jenkins writes about love in a way that is both extraordinarily sophisticated and as intimate as a conversation with an old friend. Her writing never fails to make me feel like a smarter, calmer, more generous person-both in and out of love." Acknowledgements Introduction What's the Point? Manifesting Ideology Who's Afraid of the "Negative" Emotions? A Series of Fascinating Transitions Notes

"Can you love more than one person?" A lot of conversations about nonmonogamy start this way. When we discuss "opening" relationships, contemplate whether we want to be exclusive with our partners, or introduce multiple partners to friends and family, we are asking the people in our lives, and ourselves, to contend with this question. The answer is obvious, and misleading. The love one feels in their heart and the love one expresses through daily acts of care and affection are both "love" in the true sense, but they have different requirements, present different options and produce different outcomes. More Than Two can't promise outcomes, but it is a guide to the paths-from anchor or nesting partnerships to relationship anarchy-possible within nonmonogamy. This long-awaited second edition bridges emerging theories on attachment and relationship diversity with authors Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin's insight and experience. The arcs of nonmonogamous partnerships bend towards complexity, introspection and compromise-or at least they can, if we work at it. A modern topology of nonmonogamy's many possibilities-and consequences. This is a new, fully revised and updated edition of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (9780991399703), first published in 2014, which sold over 175,000 copies. It includes a new co-author, Andrea Zanin. The previous male co-author has relinquished his copyright and moral rights; his name is not present in the book and he has no association with it. The content has been significantly rewritten from the original. More Than Two is a registered trademark of Thornapple Press/Talk Science to Me Communications Inc. in Canada and the United States. For more information on the new edition and the various works associated with the name More Than Two, visit Eve Rickert's More Than Two FAQ page. abortion, 379–80 Abramson, Kate, 152, 421 abundance models of relationships, 106 abuse whether abuse or not, 57–60, 67 blame and self-blame, 82–83 boundary-testing and, 177–78 coercive control, 63–64, 66–67 in context of nonmonogamy, 71–75 defining, 63–66 dynamics leading to, 82–84 ending relationship and, 79–80 experiencing, 80–82 kink and BDSM and, 76–79 love and, 61–63 missing stairs and other bad actors, 67–69, 76 perpetrating, 84–85 protective factors of nonmonogamy, 75–76 resources, 70–71, 421–22 toxic behaviour, 64–66, 66–67 use and misuse of advice and, 85–86 warning signs, 69–70, 82 access intimacy, 25 active listening, 134, 138–39, 141, 348 agency, 47, 49–50, 103, 319, 372 agreements broken, 267–69 characteristics of effective, 254–56 COVID-19 and, 189 creeping concessions, 265–66 debate over, 165–66 defined and overview, 185–87 disruptors and, 261–64 effective, 254–56 flexibility and, 259–60 negotiation and renegotiation of, 186, 245, 256, 257, 270, 296 permission model of relationships and, 260–61 privacy and disclosure and, 266–67 re-evaluating, 264 as rules, 191 rules vs., 188–89, 190 written, 257–60 AIDS. See HIV All About Love (hooks), 421 All My Relations (podcast), xvi allonormativity, 354 allosexual people, 19, 314, 355, 356 alone, being, 108–9 amatonormativity defined, 1–2, 400 myths and scripts of, 24, 102, 107, 172, 309 in society, 20, 35, 354 anchor partner, 400 anger, 90, 148, 157, 173 Antimononormative, 428 Antoniou, Laura, 428 anxiety, 56, 88, 157, 179, 386 Anxious Person's Guide to Nonmonogamy, The (Phoenix), 423 anxious-preoccupied (anxious) attachment style, 25, 244 aromantic people, 11, 19, 24, 355 asexuality and asexual people, 11, 25, 310, 355, 400 Ask Yourself (Stryker), 48, 62–63, 419 asymmetry, feature of restrictions, 204 attachment-based relationships/styles, 25–26, 28, 29 authority, feature of restrictions, 204 autonomy, 103, 174, 175 See also bodily autonomy avoidant attachment, 244 axioms, 44–47 Baczynski, Marcia, 124 bad actors,