Eternally Yours

Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go all the way . . . What can be worse than electrocuting yourself while getting ready for your internet date? Realizing the hot stud you've been fondling is the Grim Reaper? Being chased by a sex-crazed bloated, naked corpse? How about an eternity of more bad hair days and horrific dates? Or lusting after the one guy in all the afterlife whose hydrophobia rivals his fear of commitment? Yeah, that's a whole lot worse. Contains mature themes.

The only fate worse than eternal damnation is eternal temptation. What could be worse than getting tricked by a demon and sucked into the fiery pit of doom? Discovering that the demon who captured your soul is also the devastatingly sexy twin of the man who still has your heart. Someone please get me some water. It's getting hot in here. Contains mature themes.

My afterlife has sunk to a new level of desperate, all because some badass demon banished my friends to the fourth dimension of the fiery pit. When I signed up for this rescue mission, nobody told me about the bugs, hives, and sweltering heat. That I could handle. Add to that a sinfully sexy boyfriend with serious ex-fiancée issues, three temperamental giants, a psychotic demon dentist, and a really hungry soul-sucking dragon, and this trip to Hell has become the trip from Hell. And I forgot to pack my sunscreen. Contains mature themes.

Good girls wear white. Bad girls wear white anyway. We've all heard of wedding day disasters, like when a jealous ex-lover crashes the ceremony and causes a scene or the photographer cancels at the last minute. Now let me tell you about my wedding day-the day thousands of demonic spiders chased my fiancé and me off the elevator and into the Devil's den. And don't get me started on hellacious honeymoons. Instead of sipping margaritas on a sunny beach with a rock on my finger and the man of my dreams beside me, I'm demonic and deserted, stuck inside Hell's Hotel with a bad case of fleas, praying our sadistic host doesn't throw us out. To say my wedding day was a disaster would have to be the understatement of the millennium. I just hope our friends can save us before it's too late, because that squirming thing on my fork definitely doesn't taste like chicken, and I forgot to pack my SPF 10,000 sunblock.

Five things I learned while being a fallen angel zombie: 1. Duct tape works better than embalming. 2. Alopecia is not my favorite hairstyle. 3. Fried demons smell like bacon. 4. This brain breath is affecting my love life. 5. Nothing ruins a honeymoon like an apocalypse. Contains mature themes.