Bro Code Standalone

The first day she was sitting by herself-I felt sorry for her. After all, it couldn't be easy wrangling all the testosterone at Wingmen Inc. as one of the only female office managers. The second day she literally counted her carrots during break-she had seven by the way, right along with seven sips of her drink in between taking seven tiny little bites of the first carrot. Now I'm not one to brag, or maybe I am, but math and science fascinate me, so do problems. And this woman screamed puzzle from the way she ducked her head every time anyone looked at her, to the way she counted food and tapped the table when she didn't think anyone was watching. I'd like to think I took pity on her that day when, in fact, she was the one that took pity on me and asked if I needed a friend. She assumed I had a learning disability since I'd been staring so damn hard. Things would have ended there, except, my bosses need someone to test the new Wingmen App and since I was the only single guy on the floor-I was nominated, right along with the only single woman, the same one who thinks I need to use my fingers to count. Contains mature themes.

I hit on her first. Realized she was my best friend Finn's little sister second. And got a bloody nose third-compliments of Finn. After all I did have a reputation on campus, word on the street was that a girl could orgasm within one minute just watching me eat Lucky Charms. You can't make this stuff up-even though it was at least four minutes and included outside circumstances. Ahem, I digress. Point is, not only did I earn the attention of the worst sort of girl for me-my best friend's only sibling-but now she's out to seduce me. Me! One of the most famous Pleasure Ponies of them all! I can't shower-she follows me to the bathroom. Literally. I can't sleep-Lucky me, she lives in the same dorm. And I can't focus on anything except for her taunting eyes every single time something goes her way. I want her, but I don't want her to know I want her, and I definitely don't want to die before graduation, which is looking more and more likely considering we can't keep our hands off each other. Something's gotta give, and I have an inkling I should probably start writing my eulogy now because that something is probably going to be me. Contains mature themes.

We've all been there, some more than others, you know what I'm talking about, where you have the hots for the new business teacher. I was one hundred percent that guy. I shamelessly flirted with her my senior year, only earning her irritation more and more. On graduation, I stood up to her husband after he got violent, and I'll never forget the look in her eyes when she told me it wasn't my place. Fast forward to my senior year of college and what do you know, the new adjunct professor is the one and only Mrs. Robinson, she's eight years older than me and smoking hot. Did I mention divorced? She looks at me like I'm trouble, and I'm only happy to deliver on that promise. I'm going to show her how a real man treats a woman and use every weapon in my Pleasure Pony arsenal to do it. Go big or go home. Contains mature themes.