Royally Forbidden

Not every Once-Upon-A-Time ends in a Happily-Ever-After. My fairytale, for instance, didn't come with a handsome Prince Charming, a night at the ball, or a magical pumpkin carriage. Instead, I got a bearded, bad-tempered king, a sex party for rich people, and a driver waiting to take me home after the royal asshole was finished with me. And they lived Not So Happily Ever After. The End. That should be it, right? Even missing some conventional fairytale elements, it's clear no one is riding off into the sunset in the tale of the grumpy king and the naïve, much younger actress. Except, a positive pregnancy test just proved that, in this fairytale, the end isn't the end at all. It's the beginning.

Once upon a time, there was a princess locked in a tower, guarded by an obnoxiously attractive dragon with a superiority complex. Her crime, you may ask? A single, topless, crowd-surfing incident. Which was photographed, published by multiple news outlets, and "jeopardized" her father's high profile election campaign. Faced with the threat of being cut off-and forced to rely on her non-existent life skills-the princess had little choice but to accept her punishment: house arrest at the family estate for the duration of the campaign. A campaign which will last eight. Freaking. Months. As if all this wasn't terrible enough, the princess's only company-the dragon-was even more unpleasant than the punishment itself. He hated her at first sight; most likely for the crime of being pretty, and rich, and way better than him at literally everything. Mean, condescending, and a total turd, the dragon seemed to want nothing more than to assert his authority over the princess. She believed-quite rightly-that being insanely hot doesn't give you the right to treat people that way. It wasn't long before the princess decided her only recourse… was war.