My Life in Poems

Compilation of 3 short poetry books written between 2001-2008. The cover photo of the Hawaiian Monk Seal was taken in 1982. I'm using it for the cover because the first poem in the compilation is called "The Music on Which Thoughts Dwell" and was inspired by this chance meeting when my boyfriend and I were going around the island of Maui on a motor scooter. We never tried to get close to, or try to touch the seal. We just took the picture from a safe distance, (about 100') and continued on. We were on the south side of the island then, past Makena and La Perouse. The Hawaiian Monk Seal is an endangered marine mammal, very treasured here. In 2001 my life was at the end of a decade of great turbulence and disappointment for me. My life changed the day I received my HUD voucher for a 1 bedroom apt in 2001. I'd been homeless for years and starving to buy equipment for a mug/tee shirt merchandise business I've been trying to get going. HUD took me off the street and I was able to get a computer and create my website BANANA PATCH FANTASY PRODUCTIONS. which is a showcase of my music, poetry, children's books, novel etc. Now I have my own virtual reality and I love it! So these poems are from 2001-2008. I know some of my poetry is very nice. I'm not a "great" poet. But I am happy to share these simple poems of my life with anyone who will listen or read them. They mean a lot to me because I remember how they helped me to hold onto reality and hope and be victorious after all. This life has not been wasted on me. I am driven to self expression. I was disabled at 9, I was an orphan from 3 months. Never adopted, only tolerated by relatives, I found a place within where I could have meaningful reflection and conversation with ancestors, saints and whoever was willing to comfort me, my aloneness. So I'm a little neurotic. I'm just human and not having a family forced me to find sanctuary somewhere. How fortunate for me to have found it within my own Self. This is why I believe in Life eternal. Someone succors me, invests in me, walks with me, bends the Universe to accommodate me, protects me. I feel the love. To this day, I walk the trail alone with invisible Guides who bring me thru all . I'm still learning the lessons and growing. I am loved because I am a lover.

The poems in this compilation of "2 Poetry Books in 1" were written together. One dark, the other light. In my mind they complement each other. Both have pulled me thru rough and sleepless nights of silent hysteria and rage. I finally made a breakthrough and learned to just appreciate every moment of my life, and just not allow myself to be victimized anymore. I don't have to cry and write poetry and suffer defeat of spirit. I can glow and keep on glowing. I can breathe the love I feel. I don't have to withhold it....I'm free now. Just a little more cautious though. Hope you can relate to the poems. What started me writing these 2 books was a recurring dream in which I found my perpetrator and gladly inflicted injury (a family member who betrayed me), one whom I once loved dearly. The ugliness...the actuality of the act, so upset me... I had a nervous breakdown. So I learned that revenge is never worth it, even in a dream, because of what it does to the one performing such meanness ...especially inflicting great physical harm. It isn't worth it enough to dream about it! (smile) That's THE MIND WOULD KNOW poems. After the dream I wrote EVEN IN DREAMS and IN THE HUMMING. In The Humming inspired the book IF I COULD DO FOR YOU.

The poems in this compilation were written around 2000. It was a hard time for me because I lost my chance to have the education I was striving for, and because I lost my HUD housing voucher and was homeless. I got it back (after 14 years) in 2001. Since then, I've been able to keep a one bedroom apt. I bought a used computer and new printer and started my Banana Patch Fantasy Productions website. Life is good... I don't want to tell you how I've suffered etc. It can all be good if we let it be. An artist needs fuel, so all that stuff that broke my heart and crushed my hope to be somebody significant in this world... forced me to control my distemper and create music, poetry, puppets, stories, many wonderful things. The pain birthed inspiration and production. That's what the poems mean to me. But I don't know how to describe what brought me to the edge of the abyss, so I could write the poems... anyway... no one wants to hear it. So that is the long and short of it... to describe the poems any more than that would be to take away mystery of discovering what they could mean to you. In turning to the Great Spirits of Antiquity and ancestors unknown to me whom I reach out to... I have survived and grown a soul... and created a body of work that greatly relieves me, and that all admire. In one of the poems in this compilation, I remark: "A life well lived is like a bell that rings forever; the sound encrypted in our collective soul, enriching Humanity's potential" So in that heart set, I offer these poems to you and hope they touch you somewhere deep inside, and it is helpful to you in some way.