One man’s personal journey of grieving the loss of his wife written over a period of 3 years
January 11 2002
Oh Booby, Booby, Booby. This explains it all. I want you back so much, yet fully understand this is a fantasy. It must be my way of handling (or trying to) my pain, thinking of the good times, wanting the good times, knowing that now they have to come from what I make. Round and round we go, we weave an intriguing web ourselves. The web breaks, so we have to spin a new one. This I will continue to do until I make a web so strong that I will feel safe, feel confident with myself.
March 2 2002
Still feeling as though I’m just floating like a feather in the wind. Like the feather I don’t know where I will land. It’s as though I have no control but I know for sure that this is not so. I’m in complete control; it is me allowing myself to be in this state. I want companionship so much, but I’m scared, I want to touch, explore, and feel someone. Selfishly for my own needs but it’s something I need to happen because I have to justify to myself that I can love again.
