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They'd love to have you for dinner
Sasha Savage is in love with Jack Greenway - a handsome, charming, clever... vegetarian. Which would be acceptable if it weren't for the fact that Sasha's family are very much 'carnivorous', with strong views to boot. Behind the respectable family façade all is not as it seems. Sasha's father Titus rules his clan with an iron fist, and although her mother Angelica never has a hair out of place, her credit card bills are shocking and her culinary skills are getting more... 'adventurous' by the day. As for Sasha's demonic brother Ivan? Well, after accidentally decapitating a supermodel in their family bathroom his golden boy image is looking wobbly. To the outsider the Savages might look like the perfect family, but there is more to them than meets the eye. When the too-curious private detective Vernon English starts to dig for darker truths, this tight knit family starts to unravel - as does their sinister and predatory taste in human beings... This wasn't something Lulabelle enjoyed. There was some satisfaction to be had from the way it preserved her figure, despite the stomach cramps, but the procedure itself she found to be a bore.
She knew just how to trigger the required response, which she prepared to do having knelt in front of the toilet bowl and lifted the lid. Inserting two fingers into her mouth, Lulabelle reached back for her tonsils and prepared for the involuntary gag reflex that would follow.
It was over in moments, as she had predicted. With her partially digested lunch now floating in the toilet, and her eyes watering from the exertion, Lulabelle grabbed some paper to wipe her mouth and then reached up for the flush. It was good to do this quickly. It minimised any odour. Wishing fortune would look kindly upon her just once in what was left of her career, Lulabelle pulled the handle down.
She would've been unaware that one end of a long length of cotton thread was tied to it. She may have heard a clatter as the iron was jerked from its moorings on the shelf above the door behind her, but it happened too quickly for her to react. With the flex tied to the light fitting overhead, the iron simply swooped across the room before the sharp end penetrated the back of her skull. Such was the impact that Lulabelle Hart was dead before her face dropped into the gurgling water. Matt Whyman is a best selling author and agony uncle for Bliss Magazine and BBC Radio 1's The Surgery with Aled. He has written widely for adults and teenagers, across a range of subjects, including two recent comic memoirs MY LIFE WITH MINIPIGS and WALKING WITH SAUSAGE DOGS. His previous YA books include BOY KILLS MAN, THE WILD and INSIDE THE CAGE. Matt is married with four children and lives in West Sussex, UK. Find out more about Matt at www.mattwhyman.com and on Twitter: @mattwhyman They'd love to have you for dinner A family drama with a masterful touch of the blackly humorous, THE SAVAGES is hilarious, accessible with a very sharp edge Matt is extremely well-known amongst teens - he is an agony uncle/ emo adviser for BBC Radio 1's The Surgery and Bliss Magazine. Follow him on twitter @MattWhyman and visit his website http://mattwhyman.blogspot.co.uk/ The bestselling author of MY LIFE WITH MINIPIGS and BOY KILLS MAN, this is a humorous and delicious departure from anything Matt has done before POS Meatpack available - find out the different cuts of human in poster form! Discover the world of the Savage family at www.meatthesavages.com
Sasha Savage is in love with Jack Greenway - a handsome, charming, clever... vegetarian. Which would be acceptable if it weren't for the fact that Sasha's family are very much 'carnivorous', with strong views to boot. Behind the respectable family façade all is not as it seems. Sasha's father Titus rules his clan with an iron fist, and although her mother Angelica never has a hair out of place, her credit card bills are shocking and her culinary skills are getting more... 'adventurous' by the day. As for Sasha's demonic brother Ivan? Well, after accidentally decapitating a supermodel in their family bathroom his golden boy image is looking wobbly. To the outsider the Savages might look like the perfect family, but there is more to them than meets the eye. When the too-curious private detective Vernon English starts to dig for darker truths, this tight knit family starts to unravel - as does their sinister and predatory taste in human beings... This wasn't something Lulabelle enjoyed. There was some satisfaction to be had from the way it preserved her figure, despite the stomach cramps, but the procedure itself she found to be a bore.
She knew just how to trigger the required response, which she prepared to do having knelt in front of the toilet bowl and lifted the lid. Inserting two fingers into her mouth, Lulabelle reached back for her tonsils and prepared for the involuntary gag reflex that would follow.
It was over in moments, as she had predicted. With her partially digested lunch now floating in the toilet, and her eyes watering from the exertion, Lulabelle grabbed some paper to wipe her mouth and then reached up for the flush. It was good to do this quickly. It minimised any odour. Wishing fortune would look kindly upon her just once in what was left of her career, Lulabelle pulled the handle down.
She would've been unaware that one end of a long length of cotton thread was tied to it. She may have heard a clatter as the iron was jerked from its moorings on the shelf above the door behind her, but it happened too quickly for her to react. With the flex tied to the light fitting overhead, the iron simply swooped across the room before the sharp end penetrated the back of her skull. Such was the impact that Lulabelle Hart was dead before her face dropped into the gurgling water. Matt Whyman is a best selling author and agony uncle for Bliss Magazine and BBC Radio 1's The Surgery with Aled. He has written widely for adults and teenagers, across a range of subjects, including two recent comic memoirs MY LIFE WITH MINIPIGS and WALKING WITH SAUSAGE DOGS. His previous YA books include BOY KILLS MAN, THE WILD and INSIDE THE CAGE. Matt is married with four children and lives in West Sussex, UK. Find out more about Matt at www.mattwhyman.com and on Twitter: @mattwhyman They'd love to have you for dinner A family drama with a masterful touch of the blackly humorous, THE SAVAGES is hilarious, accessible with a very sharp edge Matt is extremely well-known amongst teens - he is an agony uncle/ emo adviser for BBC Radio 1's The Surgery and Bliss Magazine. Follow him on twitter @MattWhyman and visit his website http://mattwhyman.blogspot.co.uk/ The bestselling author of MY LIFE WITH MINIPIGS and BOY KILLS MAN, this is a humorous and delicious departure from anything Matt has done before POS Meatpack available - find out the different cuts of human in poster form! Discover the world of the Savage family at www.meatthesavages.com