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A fascinating, revelatory memoir revealing the author's struggle to come to terms with her own sociopathy and shed light on the often maligned and misunderstood mental illness.
Patric Gagne realized she made others uncomfortable before she even started kindergarten. Something about her caused people to react in a way she didn't understand. She suspected it was because she didn't feel things the way other kids did. Emotions like fear, guilt, and empathy eluded her. For the most part, she felt nothing. And she didn't like the way that "nothing" felt.
She did her best to pretend she was like everyone else, but the constant pressure to conform to a society that she knew rejected anyone like her was unbearable. So Patric stole. She lied. She was occasionally violent. She became an expert lock-picker and home-invader. All with the goal of replacing the nothingness with...something.
In college, Patric finally confirmed what she'd long suspected. She was a sociopath. But even though it was the very first personality disorder identified, well over 200 years ago, sociopathy has been neglected by mental health professionals for decades. She was told there was no treatment, no hope for a normal life. She found herself haunted by sociopaths in pop culture, madmen, villains, and monsters. Her future looked grim.
But when Patric reconnects with an old flame, she gets a glimpse of a future beyond her diagnosis. If she's capable of love, it must mean that she isn't a monster. With the help of her sweetheart (and some curious characters she meets along the way) she embarks on a mission to prove that the millions of Americans who share her diagnosis aren't all monsters either.
Patric Gagne realized she made others uncomfortable before she even started kindergarten. Something about her caused people to react in a way she didn't understand. She suspected it was because she didn't feel things the way other kids did. Emotions like fear, guilt, and empathy eluded her. For the most part, she felt nothing. And she didn't like the way that "nothing" felt.
She did her best to pretend she was like everyone else, but the constant pressure to conform to a society that she knew rejected anyone like her was unbearable. So Patric stole. She lied. She was occasionally violent. She became an expert lock-picker and home-invader. All with the goal of replacing the nothingness with...something.
In college, Patric finally confirmed what she'd long suspected. She was a sociopath. But even though it was the very first personality disorder identified, well over 200 years ago, sociopathy has been neglected by mental health professionals for decades. She was told there was no treatment, no hope for a normal life. She found herself haunted by sociopaths in pop culture, madmen, villains, and monsters. Her future looked grim.
But when Patric reconnects with an old flame, she gets a glimpse of a future beyond her diagnosis. If she's capable of love, it must mean that she isn't a monster. With the help of her sweetheart (and some curious characters she meets along the way) she embarks on a mission to prove that the millions of Americans who share her diagnosis aren't all monsters either.