A man crushed-literally and figuratively-by life discovers the truth behind every failure he's ever endured: Earth is a galaxy‑wide amusement park, and he's been the unwitting star of a cosmic comedy broadcast to millions. After being abducted mid‑vacation and thrown before an alien tribunal, Simon escapes initiation, returns home with the universe's source code burned into his mind, and decides he's done being the punchline. Back in Texas, Simon uncovers the tourists living in human disguises all around him-bakers, dentists, football coaches, even zoning inspectors. With nothing left to lose, he flips the script: blackmailing extraterrestrials for pastries, manipulating a disgraced alien general into rigging a football game, and building a secret underground command center beneath his garage. Now armed with insider knowledge, cosmic leverage, and a stubborn Texas mean streak, Simon begins rewriting the Simulation itself-one alien at a time. A darkly funny, high‑energy sci‑fi tale of survival, rebellion, and the unstoppable chaos of a human who finally learns the rules of the game... and decides to break every single one.
