After years of counseling couples and writing an advice column, Kelli Miller identified fifteen common relationship challenges and devised three innovative "hacks" for each. Designed to address problems immediately for long-term improvement, Kelli's solutions are simple, effective, and usable anywhere and anytime. Best of all, her clients have field-tested these techniques with excellent results. Topics include:
• strategies for effective communication, such as the "fast-food technique" of repeating what someone says to ensure it's been understood
• tips for dealing with sexual issues, from lack of interest to infidelity
• what to do when kids affect the relationship
• advice for coping with addiction, anger, and past trauma
• ways to rekindle deep love and connection
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, is an in-demand psychotherapist for individuals, couples, and families who specializes in relationships. She has been the host of All Things Relationships on Balance by Nature TV, a cohost on LA Talk Radio, and a relationship expert on SiriusXM and wikiHow.com. Kelli has contributed to various national and regional publications and podcasts and speaks to groups of all types and sizes. She lives in Studio City, California.
KelliMillerTherapy.com
Introduction
Issue 1: "My Partner Doesn't Listen to Me"
Fast-Food Communication
"I" Statements
Sounding Board vs. Feedback
Issue 2: "We Are Constantly Arguing!"
Time-Outs
Who Is More Emotionally Invested?
Assuming Positive Intentions
Issue 3: "We Don't Make Time for Each Other"
Date Nights and Scheduling
Quick Partner Connections
Exploring the Resistance
Issue 4: "We Don't Have Sex Anymore"
Looking at Resentments
Sensate Focus Therapy
Setting the Scene
Issue 5: "I Don't Feel in Love with My Partner Anymore"
The Continuum of Long-Term Relationships
Love Letters
Understanding Your Connection Style
Issue 6: "I Do so Many More Chores!"
Chore Chart
Appreciating Your Partner
Becoming Teammates
Issue 7: "We Can't Trust Each Other after Infidelity"
Starting the Forgiveness Process
Grieving and Renewing Your Commitment
Understanding the Affair and Setting Boundaries
Issue 8: "We Are too Culturally Different"
Learning about Culture
Incorporating Traditions
Having Fun Experiencing a Partner's Culture
Issue 9: "We Spend Money Differently"
Setting Financial Goals
Generating a Budget
Creating an Emotional Inventory
Issue 10: "My Partner or I Have an Addiction"
Understanding Addiction
Planning for Recovery
Identifying Your Negative Voice
Issue 11: "Things Are Different since We Had Kids"
Experiencing the Before
Setting Up for Success
Division of Child Responsibilities
Issue 12: "I Don't Feel Respected by My Partner"
BISECT: A Way to Show Respect
Cognitive Distortions
Respect Initiatives
Issue 13: "Social Media Is Damaging Our Relationship"
Questionnaire on Social Media
Establishing Social Media Boundaries
Using the Mirror on Why
Issue 14: "We Want Different Things"
Determine Our Needs from Wants
Values Pie Chart and Shared Dreams
The Game of Life 2.0
Issue 15: "There Is too Much Anger Between Us"
Uncovering the Emotions Behind Anger
Perspectives to Let Go
Empathizing with Our Partner
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the Author
"Kelli Miller nails it! She has her finger on the pulse of what couples need to make things better quickly! She targets the main issues and gives user-friendly solutions for couples to get back on track. Thank you, Kelli, for this great piece of work!"
