EBOOK
About
Grandparenting is one of the greatest joys in life. Most "grandboomers" are young, active, and anxious to be involved in the lives of their grandchildren. However, grandparenting in the twenty-first century is often complicated by long distances, family breakups, and remarriage. Based on solid evidence from the experts combined with inspirational — and sometimes funny — real-life stories from grandparents, parents, and grandchildren, Intentional Grandparenting provides readers with ten child-centred principles to guide their decision-making as modern grandparents. At the heart this approach is the notion of intentional grandparenting, a process for planning ahead and taking deliberate action to be the kind of grandparent you want to be. The authors identify the challenges and offer practical, parent-friendly advice to help boomers become happy and effective grandparents. Written in an accessible and engaging style, Intentional Grandparenting is at once entertaining and informative. Peggy Edwards is a health promotion writer and serves as a consultant on active aging with the World Health Organization. This is her third book on the boomer generation. Mary Jane Sterne is a senior management consultant with a background in social work and psychology. Edwards and Sterne, who live in Ottawa, have fourteen grandchildren. Overcoming the Barriers
When we conducted our interviews and focus groups for this book, we consistently heard grandparents say that they found it difficult to hold back and bite their tongues. This held true across the spectrum of family situations. Whether our children and their partners are well-educated parents with whom we have an excellent relationship, or they are young, challenged, or estranged, we all have occasions when it is difficult to refrain from interjecting with a comment or suggestion about raising our grandchildren. There are a number of reasons we grapple with this principle. Perhaps by examining them, we can understand why it is sometimes so difficult to be the cheerleader instead of the quarterback.
Our egos
Sometimes, our egos get in the way. Not only did we raise children who became wonderful, competent young adults, but we also consider ourselves quite well informed about child development. We keep current, we are interested, and some of us actually have careers that overlap with the parenting field. Rosemary, a grandmother of four, suggests that grandparents need to put their egos aside and look at each situation from a fresh and unbiased point of view. If you still believe it is important to communicate a concern, time these conversations carefully. For example, while Rosemary feels that her daughter and her partner are sometimes too severe when disciplining their children, she refrains from commenting at the time of an incident and finds an appropriate opportunity to bring up her concern in a diplomatic way. Once she has expressed her opinion, she lets it go. The rest is up to the parents.
Our values
According to the American Association of Retired Persons (aarp) survey, the majority of grandparents consider one of their major roles is to pass on their values to their grandchildren. In our discussions with grandboomers, however, this was not a primary concern. In fact, most felt that shaping children's values was the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents. Nonetheless, many boomers have deeply held values including religious and cultural beliefs that may not be as important for their children. How do we handle this?
Tracy's parents, whose lives centre on their family and church, decided not to interfere when Tracy and her husband did not baptize their first child. Their approach paid off in the long run.
When we conducted our interviews and focus groups for this book, we consistently heard grandparents say that they found it difficult to hold back and bite their tongues. This held true across the spectrum of family situations. Whether our children and their partners are well-educated parents with whom we have an excellent relationship, or they are young, challenged, or estranged, we all have occasions when it is difficult to refrain from interjecting with a comment or suggestion about raising our grandchildren. There are a number of reasons we grapple with this principle. Perhaps by examining them, we can understand why it is sometimes so difficult to be the cheerleader instead of the quarterback.
Our egos
Sometimes, our egos get in the way. Not only did we raise children who became wonderful, competent young adults, but we also consider ourselves quite well informed about child development. We keep current, we are interested, and some of us actually have careers that overlap with the parenting field. Rosemary, a grandmother of four, suggests that grandparents need to put their egos aside and look at each situation from a fresh and unbiased point of view. If you still believe it is important to communicate a concern, time these conversations carefully. For example, while Rosemary feels that her daughter and her partner are sometimes too severe when disciplining their children, she refrains from commenting at the time of an incident and finds an appropriate opportunity to bring up her concern in a diplomatic way. Once she has expressed her opinion, she lets it go. The rest is up to the parents.
Our values
According to the American Association of Retired Persons (aarp) survey, the majority of grandparents consider one of their major roles is to pass on their values to their grandchildren. In our discussions with grandboomers, however, this was not a primary concern. In fact, most felt that shaping children's values was the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents. Nonetheless, many boomers have deeply held values including religious and cultural beliefs that may not be as important for their children. How do we handle this?
Tracy's parents, whose lives centre on their family and church, decided not to interfere when Tracy and her husband did not baptize their first child. Their approach paid off in the long run.