Don't Rescue the Woman - Five Ways Men Ruin Their Lives with Women is a self-help book for men and women in troubled relationships, or who continue to find themselves in failing relationships. "Five Ways" outlines five "relationship styles" that men have with women that commonly lead to destruction and even violence in the relationship: Rescuing, Blaming, Fantasizing, Being Addicted to Love or Sex, and finally Being Obsessed with winning. The book continues to explore the roots of these problems and offers men five "Essential Qualities" that we historically see in men we consider "heroes" and "leaders". These Five Essential Qualities are: Awareness, Compassion, Strength, Dignity and Courage. Focusing on these essential qualities can help men overcome the five ruinous relationship styles and find a partner of similar qualities in their life. Part one of the book explains the destructive relationship styles and provides examples from Gary Brandstadt's case histories. The consequences of the relationship style is explored and self-tests are employed to help the reader recognize the behavior tendencies. A "punchline" closes each chapter with a brief synopsis of what the reader must do to recognize and overcome this behavior. Part two of the book focuses on the underlying fears that men have which drive them to adopt the destructive relationships with women in the first place. Fear of "losing" either personally or publically being the primacy motivator for the unwanted behaviors. The book then goes on to illustrate the five essential qualities that men often see in other men that we look up to as true heroes and leaders, the qualities of Awareness, Compassion, Strength, Dignity and Courage. These qualities are defined and explored in the context of men's "self-talk", self identity and self-esteem. The authors suggest changing behaviors in the destructive relationship styles by drawing on these essential, and heroic, qualities to change one's self-image. Ultimately, the most important relationship men have is with themselves and their own self image. Five Ways Men Ruin Their Lives with Women is a must read book for men and women seeking to rebuild shattered men in their life.
