EBOOK
About
The ability to communicate through the use of words is one of the major skills that distinguishes
humans from other creatures. Having a formal language which can be spoken and written has
allowed people to create emotional and practical bonds between themselves and others which
can transcend not only time and distance but physical and cultural barriers as well. With this
unique ability to communicate through language, humans have been able to accomplish what no
other creatures could ever accomplish.
Although language is clearly a blessing in many ways, it can itself become a barrier to good
communication. Words can provide understanding, intimacy and the ability to achieve
commonly shared goals, but they can also produce confusion, hostility and painful consequences
when used inappropriately or irresponsibly.
As a psychotherapist and family counselor for the last twenty-five years, I have become acutely
aware of the power of words to both confuse and clarify, to hurt and heal. Over this time I have
noticed that certain words and concepts seem to appear repeatedly in conversations between
marriage partners, business associates, and other people attempting to develop effective and
rewarding relationships. I have discovered that the various meanings and applications of these
words and ideas are often at the root of the problems people experience in their business and personal lives.
A significant part of the therapy I do with my clients is to help them clarify for themselves and
then for others what they mean by what they say. As an extension of my work over the years, I
have written a number of articles about some of the more commonly misundertood words and
ideas over which my clients were having conflict. As I have shared the articles with them and
with others in workshops and seminars, I have often been asked to make them available to others
outside my office.
This book is the result of those requests. It is a book of " working definitions." You will find
that, in this book, my basic approach to defining a word will be somewhat different from that
used in a standard dictionary. A typical dictionary, out of necessity, must usually limit a word's
definition to a brief, generally accepted meaning and then provide synonyms and antonyms of
that word, along with some examples of how the word can be used in a sentence. For my
purposes, I will define a word or explain a concept so that it can be more completely understood
and thus more effectively applied in everyday life. I have found that providing a more thorough
description of a word or idea is usually more helpful for real-world use than a technical
vocabulary definition.
Some chapters fit specifically within the book's title. They "define" a particular word, such as
selfishness or forgiveness, and expand on the working definition to make it a useable concept for
real-world relationships. Other chapters are included, not so much to define a concept as to
provide additional skills for relating well to others. These chapters fit appropriately within the
sub-title of the book, for they, too, are some of the ideas that define our lives. Chapter 4, for
instance, will help you know how to respond when someone does not believe you. Chapter 16,
Negotiation Skills, will help you understand the idea of negotiation more than define it for you.
The meanings and applications of some of these words and concepts may differ at times from
what you and I were taught about them growing up. Some who read this book may disagree with
my "definitions" altogether, for here again, we know that language is often a matter of
interpretation more than scientific fact. In my attempt to help people make
sense out of these ideas and words, I have found that these "workable meanings" have helped
them to communicate better with others.
humans from other creatures. Having a formal language which can be spoken and written has
allowed people to create emotional and practical bonds between themselves and others which
can transcend not only time and distance but physical and cultural barriers as well. With this
unique ability to communicate through language, humans have been able to accomplish what no
other creatures could ever accomplish.
Although language is clearly a blessing in many ways, it can itself become a barrier to good
communication. Words can provide understanding, intimacy and the ability to achieve
commonly shared goals, but they can also produce confusion, hostility and painful consequences
when used inappropriately or irresponsibly.
As a psychotherapist and family counselor for the last twenty-five years, I have become acutely
aware of the power of words to both confuse and clarify, to hurt and heal. Over this time I have
noticed that certain words and concepts seem to appear repeatedly in conversations between
marriage partners, business associates, and other people attempting to develop effective and
rewarding relationships. I have discovered that the various meanings and applications of these
words and ideas are often at the root of the problems people experience in their business and personal lives.
A significant part of the therapy I do with my clients is to help them clarify for themselves and
then for others what they mean by what they say. As an extension of my work over the years, I
have written a number of articles about some of the more commonly misundertood words and
ideas over which my clients were having conflict. As I have shared the articles with them and
with others in workshops and seminars, I have often been asked to make them available to others
outside my office.
This book is the result of those requests. It is a book of " working definitions." You will find
that, in this book, my basic approach to defining a word will be somewhat different from that
used in a standard dictionary. A typical dictionary, out of necessity, must usually limit a word's
definition to a brief, generally accepted meaning and then provide synonyms and antonyms of
that word, along with some examples of how the word can be used in a sentence. For my
purposes, I will define a word or explain a concept so that it can be more completely understood
and thus more effectively applied in everyday life. I have found that providing a more thorough
description of a word or idea is usually more helpful for real-world use than a technical
vocabulary definition.
Some chapters fit specifically within the book's title. They "define" a particular word, such as
selfishness or forgiveness, and expand on the working definition to make it a useable concept for
real-world relationships. Other chapters are included, not so much to define a concept as to
provide additional skills for relating well to others. These chapters fit appropriately within the
sub-title of the book, for they, too, are some of the ideas that define our lives. Chapter 4, for
instance, will help you know how to respond when someone does not believe you. Chapter 16,
Negotiation Skills, will help you understand the idea of negotiation more than define it for you.
The meanings and applications of some of these words and concepts may differ at times from
what you and I were taught about them growing up. Some who read this book may disagree with
my "definitions" altogether, for here again, we know that language is often a matter of
interpretation more than scientific fact. In my attempt to help people make
sense out of these ideas and words, I have found that these "workable meanings" have helped
them to communicate better with others.