Cry Wolf

I'm Rachel and just so you know up front, I've got a mouth on me. Not in public–when I can help it. Cussing is bad for the image of a bona fide guru of self-help, or that which I call "the bullsh*t I write."Only, I'm not so sure it's bullsh*t, because in trying it out, I got my eyesight back after 20 years. Yeah, the corneal tissue came from a serial killer, and yeah, I started seeing his crimes. But still, eyesight.I also have the hottest detective in the universe attached to my proverbial–and, okay, wider than I'd like–hip. I got his 2 nephews with the package and I couldn't fu–freaking love Jeremy and Josh more if I was their mother, which I'm way too young to be.That's a lie, Rache. They're twelve and eighteen. You're thirty–Don't interrupt, Inner B*tch, I'm on a roll.I also have my amazing bulldog, Myrtle. I understand her. She's blind like I used to be.And I got a little something extra with my cornea transplant. "It's a blessing and a curse," said the greatest TV detective ever.Only my something extra was…let's say down. And one of Josh's sixth-going-into-seventh-grade pals has been kidnapped. The sick prick snatched him off his bicycle and left a note behind. "Wait for instructions." Only none ever came.What a time for my antennae to be out of whack!