I will be able to shop in Topshop. I will be able to go swimming and not displace all the water and create a tsunami. I will fit in changing rooms without banging my elbows or exposing the moon of my arse through the curtain when I bend over. I will be able to fit behind the narrow benches at Ronnie Scott's to listen to jazz instead of being offered a chair at the end of the row I'll be able to see my toes, which I haven't seen since 1996 without the aid of a selfie stick. I will be promoted and not have my desk moved to inside the stationery cupboard for being off brand.
